Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
