I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
