So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
