I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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