Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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