Already got asked if we're dating
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
