So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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