WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
it glows. i had to have it.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
