No subtext here. People are naked.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
