My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
