Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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