For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
