Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
