You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
