and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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