The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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