apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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