chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
