i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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