my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
