i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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