Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
