3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
