Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
