I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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