Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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