Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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