dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
