I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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