and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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