1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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