woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
