That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
They have beer where we have blood.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
