But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
false alarm. still invincible.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
