somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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