Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
