is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
