I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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