just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
