you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
