no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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