ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
