she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
So many bounce houses so little time
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
