You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
