...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
BRING THE BAGELS
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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