this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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