i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
