I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
