There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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