The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
even my farts smell like vagina
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
