Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
