I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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