Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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