first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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