I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
