and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
