I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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