Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Randomize
